The World's New Gay State

Everything I Need To Know About Tight Ends I Learned As A Young Man.

Posted in Uncategorized by thegaystateblog on October 30, 2009

My name is Garrett Graham.  Garrett T. Frasier Graham.  I haven’t been much of a publicity hound in this life.  Surprisingly if you were to Google my name, you’ll come up with page after page of information on Garrett Graham.  With a careless, casual inspection, the world is obsessed with one of my body parts.  Garrett Graham’s Tight End this and Garrett Graham’s Tight End that.  In case you are wondering, the “T” in my name doesn’t stand for “Tight.”  Now there is nothing wrong with a Tight End.  I like a good Tight End as much as the next man in line.   But I’ve haven’t been accused of having a Tight End in a good ten years.  Ok, maybe 15 years.  But, well, ok fine, maybe it has been 20 years or thereabouts but on that I am holding firm.  Still curvy, still bubblicious , and still firm.

As it turns out there is some young buck roaming around the streets of Madison with the same name.  Another tough, manly Garrett Graham.  Young, scrappy and solid, they say he plays football for the Wisconsin Badgers.  I know the Wisconsin Badgers.  Their state motto on their license plate reads “Come and Freeze in the Land of Cheese.”  Or something like that.  But aside from that, all I know from Badgers is what I do to my husband when I don’t get my own way, which is more common than you might think.

I saw some pix of the other Garrett Graham.  Tall, muscular and wholesome looking.  Really, a refreshingly tall drink of homogenized; probably fat free glass of frothy cold milk, yet with lots of cream resting on top, that is if you can have it both ways.  He is probably as wholesome as it can get in America’s Intestines.  I know the folks in the “fly over” states prefer to think of themselves as “America’s Heartland,” but I can’t oblige them on that.  I am from New York and we have just as much heart as anybody.  I know, because it’s been broken so many times. But every state has heart.  They have heart in South Beach and San Francisco.  They have heart in Seattle’s Capitol Hill and Washington DC’s DuPont Circle.

 If they want to create a nickname that plays off their internal location, away from either end, they can’t have “America’s Heartland,” but I will give them “America’s Intestines.”  It’s catchy, it’s short and will fit nicely on their license plates.  And believe me, when the intestines are happy, everybody is happy.  You’d know this too if you’ve ever spent time in Tijuana.

 So in closing, when you think of Garrett Graham you can think of tight ends if you want.  Just not this Garrett Graham and not this tight end.  So don’t ask me to autograph your balls and you probably shouldn’t ask that other Garrett Graham to autograph my new book called The Gay State.  Does anyone else see the irony in this?

Here’s a little trick to help you tell us apart should we ever show up at the same cocktail party, opera, or nude mud wrestling event:  I’m the Garrett Graham from Greenwich Village, Manhattan (as in, “Why yes, another Mojito would be just fabulous!”)  And the other, younger version of Garrett Graham is from across the Hudson River in nearby Brick, NJ (as in, “Why yes, he is built like a brick S*&+ house!”)  which really  makes the whole “America’s Intestines” motto all the richer, don’t you think?

I think I could learn to like “cheese-heads” but that is a whole other story.

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The National Equality March on Washington Continues to Produce Positive Outcome.

Posted in Uncategorized by thegaystateblog on October 28, 2009

To the many in America’s Gay community who voiced opposition to the Gay march, I want you to take note of all of the positive buzz that seems to be happening lately.  I attribute this national change of heart to the 100,000 to 200,000 of Gay and non-Gay American’s that stood up and said Enough!

Enough with the unequal treatment!  Enough with being First Class Taxpayers but treated as Second Class Citizens.  Enough with my government not protecting my constitutional rights.  And most importantly, the throngs of young people who rose up to say to the old, entrenched Gay power base, that their moldy notions of Gay incrementalism is a theory that’s time has passed.

We demanded reason and action on October 11th and we stood our ground before the US Capitol while many of our Gay leaders of yesterday proved they were  more interested in protecting their power base and influence than standing up for what was right.

Take note of the recent developments:

  1. Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania has changed his mind on Gay Marriage.
  2. John Baldacci, the Governor of Maine has announced his support for Gay Marriage in what has become a national battleground this election season.
  3. John McHugh, the Secretary of the Army says the military is ready to lift the Gay ban.
  4. President Obama is set to sign the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Bill tomorrow.
  5. NFL (National Football League in US) a bastion of Old School Machismo, Suspends Larry Johnson of the Kansas City Chiefs for his Anti-Gay Slur.

Of course in a perfect world as in our own Gay State, none of these issues would exist.  Countless hours of human productivity and effort would not be wasted on issues that suppress our rights as full and equal citizens.

But here we are talking about the United State after all; a land where homophobia and Gay oppression runs deep and the historic tide has been against Gays, Lesbians and Transgender people.

 So at least we should celebrate these advancements.  No, in the big picture, none of it is good enough when Gay youth commit suicide and are disowned from their families because of who they are and Gay bashings occur against the everyday, regular man on the street, simply because he was Gay and walking home from a convenience store.  But you can feel the tide turning and I attribute that to our committed marchers, who turned out en mass, even when told by the crusty, out of touch leadership that the rally was doomed to fail.

To the Equality marchers, I am proud of you for taking a stand.  To the organizers, you are heros and what you have done to advance the cause of our lives will not be forgotten.  To David Mixner, when the world’s first Gay State is established, there will surely be a monument dedicated to you.  To Cleve Jones, you are already in the history books, and your reputation only grows.  LT Dan Choi, Robin McGehee and Derek Washington; I think of the parallels between each of you and the countless unsung hero’s that deserved to be honored in America’s War for Independence.  You each are hero’s I met personally at the March on October 11th; and to countless others,  know that you helped change lives and give hope and I thank you all collectively.  I’m sure Harvey Milk is looking down and smiling.

We still have a long way to go, but don’t give up.  This is a new reason for hope and enjoy these apparent gains.  I think it’s time for a Cosmo; how about you?

Calif. Court to Punish Nude Sunbathers on Beaches

Posted in Uncategorized by thegaystateblog on October 24, 2009

Don’t go Au Natural when in California.

In the state that epitomizes Beach and Sun, Surf and Sand, “Beach Blanket Bingo” and all things liberal in the USA, now residents are told they must keep their pants on, er swim suits that is, when they go to any of the iconic California beaches.

The California Supreme Court actually had to get involved in this squabble when the community values people and moralists brigade raised a fuss over the nude sunbathing being enjoyed on the states clothing optional beaches.  Now, people who want to enjoy a public beach in the nude will be punished.

 In the past there were areas on some beaches that had a reputation for being “clothing optional.”  Now, sensibilities of the majority are such that going au natural is now deemed to be an intolerable scandal.  Apparently it does not matter that everyone knows where these beaches are and that it is easy to avoid them if one chooses to.  In effect, if anyone found their way onto a clothing optional beach it is because they chose to be there.  These informally designated areas that have offered nude sunbathing for more than 20 years will now see a crackdown.

 Officials have already begun to crack down on some of the nicest and most popular clothing optional beaches.  One naturist said that these moralists that forced the issue into court “are demonizing what God gave us and these people don’t share our values.  Their intolerance is shameful.  We don’t force them to go nude on their beaches, they shouldn’t force us to cover up on our beaches.” 

 That being said, it remains true that this land of the Puritans continues to surprise the world with their societal attitudes.  But this is one of those states that took away our rights to marry by popular vote, so nothing should surprise us.  What is surprising is that California, a state with a historic budget shortfall and dire economic predictions; in a state where civil servants are being paid with paper “IOU’s” because the government is broke, THIS is what they are working on.  The irony is that soon, no one will be able to afford to buy a swim suit and everyone will be swimming nekked.

 THE TAKEAWAY: 

Over There:  “Shame! in what God and your Momma gave you.”

Over HERE, in our new Gay State:  To paraphrase Patrick Henry:  “Give me my nude Gay Beaches or give me death!”

I’m Late to the Big Blogging Ball

Posted in Uncategorized by thegaystateblog on October 23, 2009

Hello everyone!  Thank you for stopping by but it is sort of like all of the invited guests arriving for one of our fantabulous dinner parties and I’m still in my bathrobe. I’m confident it will all be a smashing success in the end, but the start is a bit on the bumpy side.

Sometime last week, my agent suggested I start this blog.   I always try to be a gamer so I thought why not?  I fiddled around with the control panel and found myself staring at a blank page and nothing prepared for posting.   I hope that readers might stay with me to see what evolves and don’t judge on this introduction.  The mechanics of the wordpress.com site seem a little clunky and although I am not at all sure of what I’m doing, going live with a blank page was even more embarassing.

 So here I am on a Thursday evening in glamorous and exciting New York City.  Manhattan, baby.  My husband Mike is over there in his leather club chair, sitting in his tightie whities, watching “Project Runway” and dozing off.  I’m in my club chair, lap top perched on my lap.  Our three dogs are running around, playing and trying to draw me into their frenzy by holding their ball just inches from my hand as I type.  Does it all sound positively titallating so far?

Actually, earlier tonight was a lot of fun.  I went to support Tracy Morgan at the Barnes and Noble book signing at Union Square.  He drew a nice crowd and Tracy, you did a bang up job!  You were a riot and everybody loved you!  And yes! your book, “I Am The New Black,” is going to be HUGE!  I love Tracy’s work on “SNL” and “30 Rock” and now that he’s a member of the “literary world,”  at least check out the inside jacket the next time you are at your favorite book store.  It’s a fun and easy read!  Anyway, on the way home we took our new hardcover book out to the Heartland Brewery for beer, wings and Bison burgers.

Tomorrow is a big day, so as soon as Jon Stewart is over, I’m taking the dogs out and hitting the sack.  Pitiful, isn’t it?  But that’s all I got.